Let's skip forward to three years later after First Child was born. I had the distinct feeling that another child needed to come into our family. This was a very scary decision! I had found out that I was in fact a carrier of the hemophilia gene which means if we have a boy, he had 50% chance of having hemophilia. If we have a girl, we have 50% chance she'll be a carrier and pass hemophilia onto her boys. My husband and I knew first hand how difficult it was to have one child with hemophilia. Were we willing to risk having two?!
We love our First Child more than life itself but this was a hard decision. The cost alone for hemophilia clotting factor is astronomical. A single infusion of 1500 units costs approximately $1,500 and we infuse every other day. It's a lot of money and we are so thankful for good insurance companies who pay the majority of the costs.
We had prayed and put a lot of thought into this decision. We finally decided it was time to welcome another child into our home. When we found out I was pregnant and we were both so excited and nervous! We hoped for a girl but we would welcome a boy.
I don't remember how far along I was at the time, but far enough that I had a baby bump that was showing. We had an appointment up at Primary Children's hospital for a check up for First Child. Our hematologist came in and did he usually quick check of First Child. He looked at me and noticed my belly and asked if I knew what I was having? I wasn't far enough a long to know so, I answered, "Not yet." Then he asked if I was planning on having the baby tested for hemophilia before it was born. We weren't planning on it. It was a very invasive procedure and, to me, wasn't worth the risk.
This doctor was one that I had never connected with and he was very quick to share his opinion, whether it was asked for or not. He told me that he thought it would be best to have my baby tested for hemophilia and if it tested positive, it wasn't too late to abort it! I couldn't believe the words that were coming out of his mouth. A doctor! A hematologist! Telling me to abort my baby if it tested positive to having hemophilia!! I was so angry! My husband and I had already made the decision that we were okay if our next child had hemophilia. It was a risk we were willing to take, in order to grow our family. We knew hemophilia and we were okay with dealing with it again. I was so taken back by what the hematologist had said. I told him we knew the risks and we were willing to accept them. My blood was boiling. I was so grateful I had the self control NOT to punch him in the face as he walked past me to leave the room.
Weeks and weeks went by and it was finally time to find out the sex of the baby. In my heart, I knew it was going to be a little girl. It's what we had hoped and prayed for. I remember the ultra sound technician checking my baby's lungs, heart, brain...everything was developing as it should. During the ultra sound, I had slipped and said something or other about the baby being a girl. First Child, got mad because he knew for sure that it was going to be a boy, like him.
It was time to find if we would be having a boy or a girl, my heart was pounding. The technician pauses and says, "Are you sure you want to find out the sex of your baby...?" Of course we did! Then the technician said... "You're going to have a...boy!" I can't lie but at that moment my heart sank. I started to doubt myself. Can I really have two boys that are affected by hemophilia? Am I strong enough? Will I be a good enough mother? Is this something I can really handle? All these thoughts and more raced through my mind.
Then next day, I was rocking First Child and reading him a book before nap time. The book we were reading happened to be about a little baby boy. The thought of having another boy with hemophilia just hit me again and I started crying and asking all those questions in my mind again. However, after a minute or so, I thought to myself, "I wanted this baby in my life with or without hemophilia. I'll be sad today but tomorrow is a new day." After that day, I wasn't sad about having a little boy any more. I just wanted to make sure I was ready to be a mom of two sweet little boys.
To be continued...
